Fiction and life . . . from the desk of Gwen M. Plano
  • Home
  • Blog Reflections
  • REDEMPTION THRILLER
  • THE CONTRACT Series
  • My Memoir
  • Poetry
  • About

Becoming Yourself

8/31/2014

2 Comments

 
PictureMary Gottschalk
It is my honor to introduce author Mary Gottschalk. We met through the airways of blogs and twitter musings about two months ago and discovered that we have much in common. 

Raised and educated in the Midwest, Mary traveled to New York City to build her career. Fifteen years later, she and her husband left all behind and set out on a sailboat, an action that prompted her first book: Sailing Down the Moonbeam.

Mary has lived and/or worked as a financial consultant in the U.S., as well as Panama, New Zealand, Australia, Europe and Mexico. Along the way, she backpacked through Asia and the Middle East. She now makes her home in Des Moines, Iowa where she focuses her professional energies on writing and assisting nonprofit agencies that serve the homeless and the mentally ill.

Mary's reflection is about becoming yourself.


Picture
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.   ~Anna Quindlen

When was the last time you chose to step outside your comfort zone?

The notion that we grow the most—personally, professionally, and spiritually—when we step outside our comfort zone has been central to my life and central to what I have chosen to write about over the last decade.

The flashy part of the journey, of course, lies in taking the “big steps,” the dramatic life changes that challenge you to re-examine, to question, your core values and beliefs. In my own life, I took such a big step when I chose to abandon a seemingly successful career in finance in New York City to circumnavigate the world in a small sailboat. Years later, when I decided to write a novel, I wanted something equally big but a change that didn’t require leaving home. In this case, I chose a series of betrayals that would hurtle my fictional protagonist, Lindsey, out of her comfort zone against her will.

Quindlen’s quote reminds us that dramatic external change provides a necessary but hardly a sufficient condition for growth.  Growth has to come from within.  Quindlen’s message is that much of the heavy lifting in the matter of personal growth comes through the often exhausting, sometimes frightening effort, step by small step, to find a new approach to getting through the day. It requires a conscious effort to step outside our psychological comfort zone as well as our external or environmental one.

As I’ve noted in past blogs, psychologists often define one’s psychological comfort zone as the spectrum of behaviors and emotions that an individual is willing to allow, based on values and patterns developed during childhood. Put another way, your comfort zone sets the emotional and relationship boundaries beyond which you will not go—even when the resulting behaviors are counterproductive in adult relationships.

So it is with Lindsey, a charming and competent but introverted woman who prefers to listen rather than to talk. But Lindsey’s reserve goes far beyond the normal energy saving devices of an introvert.

Caught up in her childhood image of the perfect wife and mother, Lindsey worries that she is far from perfect, but she has never been willing to acknowledge her own anxiety even to herself, let alone to others.  As a result, she often sees herself as a victim of people who consistently put their own needs ahead of hers, a casualty of family and friends who are willing to betray her for their own comfort. From my authorial perspective, Lindsey has been “betrayed” because she never told anyone what she wanted . . . because she did not share enough of herself for those who cared to understand how not to betray her.


Picture
The necessary cause for Lindsey’s growth is the “big step” forced on her when her husband decamps for a younger woman. The sufficient condition, however—and the real drama of the novel—occurs each time that Lindsey tentatively speaks up for herself . . . each time she takes the risk that she will seen for the imperfect woman she really is.  With each new step, with each discovery that people rather like the flawed person that she is, she begins to blossom.  She begins to become herself.

Lindsey’s story, of course, is fiction.  But I would venture to say that her story carries a large kernel of universal truth … that we all struggle to break bad habits and modify behaviors that hold us back from the goals we want to achieve and estrange us from the people we care most about.

For me, this is a never-ending process.

2 Comments
Marian L. Beaman link
9/1/2014 02:54:15

Anais Nin and Anna Quindlen both speak for me too as does the slide show banner on this cool website with its travel/journey images. I'll never be perfect, but I'll always be evolving into a more out-spoken, adventurous person, I hope.

To answer Mary's question: The last time I chose to step outside of my comfort zone was moving from academic writing to memoir. After that, it will be something else no doubt -- a continuing process.

Reply
Sherrey Meyer link
1/21/2015 01:38:51

I'm reminded every day of my imperfections and yet find myself craving perfection in all my creative endeavors. I know I am still evolving as a writer, blogger, and mentor. Likely, I will never be perfect or complete.

My big step outside the box was the day my husband came home and announced he'd been offered a job in Oregon, 2200 miles away from everything I'd ever known. My excitement bubbled its way to the top, and I've never looked back. I love him, and I love where we landed! Life is good.

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    For blog updates, please subscribe below. 
    * indicates required

    RSS Feed


    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    June 2019
    December 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. ―Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning


Plano Enterprises, LLC
Photos used under Creative Commons from Kevin M. Gill, Joel Bedford, qthomasbower, crosescribe, Juho Holmi, diana_robinson, W Presley & B Kunce Photography......WI. USA, U.S. Geological Survey, Ian Sane, florianric, NikoMC, van Van Es, Yen Chao 趙彥, MissMessie, Yuriy Kuzin, Ben Zvan, Bichuas (E. Carton), Nina Matthews Photography, hehaden, alexdecarvalho, Tim RT, Kurdistan Photo كوردستان, Candida.Performa, peddhapati (Thanks for 1M Views!!!), Jhong Dizon | Photography, Waheed Akhtar Photography, lawmurray, USFWS Pacific, JalilArfaoui, SurFeRGiRL30, Lauren Finkel Photography, maf04, SantaRosa OLD SKOOL, Dakiny, vauvau, Zanastardust, Monica's Dad, timpeartrice, marumeganechan, Rafael Acorsi, seyed mostafa zamani, Jorge Franganillo, Irene Grassi (sun sand & sea), The National Guard, D.Fletcher, nada abdalla, Ted LaBar, alison.mckellar, Infomastern, Elvert Barnes, m01229, theglobalpanorama